Some thoughts on Funerals
The ministry of the Church obviously includes ministry to those grieving the bitter loss of someone who has come to the threshold of eternal life. In the first place, as believers, we have a responsibility to be prayerfully present to those among us who are carrying the pain of human separation from a family member or friend who has died. And so let us hear the words: Our faith is a consolation and eternal life is our hope.
Our funeral liturgy is first of all a prayer. Family and friends may come to be with you to console you and certainly human presence is comforting. But your family and friends at the funeral are not there to “watch” an event or to be present as mere spectators. They are with you to DO something; and what they do in the context of the various moments of the Christian funeral is pray. The purpose of the liturgy is to effect the great prayer of the Church called the Mass. It is the highest form of prayer and worship in the life of God’s People.
And so, then, how do we pray? Unfortunately, at this period in the history of the Church there is some confusion in the manner in which we celebrate the Eucharist. The “look” of Sunday Mass even differs from one parish to another. And, if the truth be told, Mass is even celebrated differently by one priest from another. This liturgical confusion is stressful to both the clergy and the laity as they compare what is taking place at one time or another. In these post Conciliar years, we are experiencing a turbulence that will hopefully subside in the years to come; but we can make a start even now.
It is important to mention some details about Catholic funerals as they are celebrated at Our Lady of Sorrows. The death of a loved one is stressful in itself. It should not become more stressful and complicated because of expectations or disagreements over liturgical details.
A phenomenon in these decades after the Second Vatican Council is the thinking that clergy or laity have the task or prerogative to decide how liturgy will unfold. This thinking applies to a sacrament with which we are all familiar, marriage. Often couples are under the impression that they are able to “design” their wedding ceremony without regard for the norms of good liturgical practice. This same thinking is sometimes found in the preparation of the funeral liturgy. When someone calls the parish and says that they would like to come in and speak about the funeral of a loved one, it is often not the intention of the family member to come for support and consolation but to ensure that certain expectations are met at the funeral Mass. These expectations may come from the family or even from the deceased. But we are dealing with the prayer of the Church, a prayer that is grounded in and must always reflect the Sunday Eucharist. Some customs and ideas simply have no place within the funeral liturgy; sometimes they are in stark contrast with what the funeral liturgy is trying to achieve and cannot find a place during the church services.
The question may be: Do we need to meet all with parish staff at all? While meeting with the priest or staff may be helpful, it is not entirely necessary. For centuries, the Church has been celebrating funerals; we know what we are about. Be assured that the event will be a respectful and dignified celebration. Furthermore, especially at this time of sorrow, why not let the Church serve you; simply allow yourself to be served.
Some considerations...
Readings
The readings for Mass are always taken from the Bible and at the funeral liturgy from those passages set out for use in the Lectionary. Readings or poems from sources other than Scripture are not permitted. The parish is happy to provide readers for the liturgy; the family may invite relatives or friends to proclaim the readings, but such individuals must already be involved in the ministry of lector at their own parishes.
Music
Music is integral to the funeral rites. It allows the community to express its faith in language that words alone may fail to convey. Music can evoke strong feelings, so the music for the celebration must be chosen with great care. It must support, console and uplift the participants and assist their full participation in the rites. Secular music cannot be accommodated during Mass; certain sacred songs, even of long-standing tradition are no longer acceptable in the liturgy. While a particular piece of music may have meant a great deal to the deceased or continue to speak to the family, music is not a backdrop to the liturgical action. Organist and cantor assist the assembly’s full participation in the singing of the songs, responses and acclamations; solo singing is not permitted by proper liturgical practice.
Eulogy
In recent decades the phenomenon of a eulogy has crept into the experience of Catholic liturgies. The giving of a eulogy, even as a meaningful human gesture, is simply not part of the approved funeral liturgy of the Church. There is no formal or official document which mandates eulogies at the funerals of the deceased; in fact quite the opposite is the case, the eulogy is expressly excluded.
Some dioceses, because of pressure, allow what are often called Christian “Words of Remembrance”. In the Archdiocese of Toronto such words are permitted, but under very definite restrictions which must be considered well in advance of the funeral itself. The priest celebrating the funeral does not have the authority to change the parameters of this legislation. But a eulogy is a eulogy is a eulogy; and it is not helpful when we notice such moments in the funerals of “famous” Catholics. Why are rule broken for some and not for others? The proper time for remembering and sharing stories about the deceased is at the wake service, cemetery or reception.