Some thoughts for couples

The telephone is a wonderful invention. It has helped our lives in so many ways. But in certain respects it is inadequate for full communication between parties.

A frequent occurrence in Catholic parish offices is the “phone call” from a couple inquiring about the sacrament of Marriage. The phone is most likely answered by parish staff and probably not by the parish priest. This is not surprising: clergy today are assisted by dedicated and competent lay people who truly share in the ministry of the church. But, whether a couple speaks to a member of the parish staff or to a member of the parish clergy, the phone call can still be trying.

It is important to understand that as a baptized Catholic without a previous marriage you are entitled and even expected to be married in the Catholic Church. The questions surface when couples approach a specific Catholic parish. Ultimately, the goal of the parish office is to be of assistance. The underlying pastoral principle is “How can we help you?” These thoughts may be of use to you.

The center of our lives as Catholic Christians is the Eucharist. The Church teaches that the Eucharist is the “source and summit” of our faith. The early Christians who faced all sorts of threats simply by gathering for Mass were known for saying sine dominica non possumus which roughly means We cannot live without Sunday. In other words, “If you are going to deprive us of our Sunday Eucharist, you might as well deprive us of life itself.”

This is not simply an anecdotal point from church history but an important fact in a couple’s request for marriage. Today's reality is that some young couples do not have an attachment to the Sunday Eucharist; they are sometimes called “non-practicing Catholics”. To be fair, there are non-practicing Catholics of all ages and, if truth be told, we all struggle to have greater and deeper love for our faith and for its central expression which is the celebration of the Eucharist.

And so, if you are a couple who has “fallen away” from the Church and yet are approaching the Church for a sacrament, you should expect an honest and straightforward conversation about it. Your request for marriage may serve as an opportunity for you to assess honestly the place you have given to your faith. The telephone is hardly the best place for such a discussion.

We do not marry strangers. From the earliest times, Christians gathered in communities: they knew one another; they lived alongside each other. These communities came together regularly for Sunday Eucharist. They were not strangers to each other: They welcomed new members at Baptism and Confirmation; they rejoiced as they came forward to receive the Lord in Holy Communion; they mourned the death of a loved one—and they honored the religious dimension of Marriage. This remains the centuries-old model of Christian living—and this model is called a parish.

A member of the parish staff may ask if you are a “member” of the parish. This is not an insignificant question. Again, the telephone may not be the best place to discuss the answer to this question.

The modern day parish is fundamentally the Christian community of antiquity; it is simply an expectation that responsible Catholics are faithful members of their parish family. If you are a couple with no parish attachment the parish staff will gladly assist you—but this assistance may disappoint you.